All Over the Place

Cause my heart is damaged, damaged, damaged, damaged
I thought that I should let you know
That my heart is damaged, damaged, so damaged, so damaged
And you can blame the one before
So how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
(Its that time of pain)
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
(That you feel deep inside)
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
How you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
(Its that time of pain)(That makes you pray, makes you cry)

This Danity Kane bit came to me at my step and sculpt class this morning. First note - the class. I loved the class! It was worth getting up in this awful dark morning to go. Loved that it mixed cardio and strength training, but best of all I loved all the squats we did. I'm determined to have a better finer behind. =) The instructor said something that was so enlightening. She said "of course its hard - its excercise! you're the only one that can get you there - so do it!" If I want to get the results I want, I need to put in the work. Just you see, I'll get there.

Second note - damage. I do feel like my heart is damaged and I want him to know. Today is the first day since it happened that I have cried. More than crying, I miss him that wretched person who broke my heart. I know we ended mutually and on good terms, but I was forced to this end. I feel damaged. I want to be strong because I am strong. I want to be on the high-road because I don't ride low. I want to be over it because feeling this kills my soul. I'm not there yet though because all I can think is how I need you know. (Lady Antebellum why you speak to me)

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

But you don't deserve me, not now, not anymore.

Love + Peace -ll

When Getting Slammed In the Face...

... turn around because there's another door opening up. This is true. I just didn't expect it to happen to me all of the sudden and in varying capacities. I have all these WHY? questions, but they need to stop. I am grateful that I've been taken into a whirlwind of a few days. I am beginning to understand myself a bit more. I am realizing what makes me, me and what I can do without.

I've been offered a job which I'm thankful for. I also feel incredibly honored seeing as how the pool of applicants was 80 and I beat out 12 people with Masters. This will be a challenging adventure that's for sure. But God is putting me here for a reason. Bring it on!

On another note, I still feel incredibly hurt. Everytime I think of it, I get pissed off. I gave him my heart and soul and he let it fall. He lost a good thing, he feels it, I'm sure and this is why I'm feelin this song -
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong
But you're just a boy
You don't understand
And you don't understand, oh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
'Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy

Love + Peace - ll